God's ways are different!

It's interesting how when I prayed for JadenGrace to be created by God, I had in my mind all the things I was going to do different with her, all the ways I was going to rectify my mistakes made with my older children in teaching them to love and serve God. THIS time, by golly, I was going to get it right. And a huge part of the heartbreak of the diagnosis was that I couldn't do all that, after all. But now, after I crossed that goal off the list, JadenGrace is one of the biggest pray-ers, the biggest worshippers, the biggest soul-winners, the biggest Kingdom bringers I know. And I had NOTHING to do with it. Ha! And the reason I am writing all this is because God wants you to know that He is far more interested in you being a faithful Mama than a good Mama. If you want your children to love and serve God, release your goal of being a 'good' Mama. Recognize that you are not the one who will cause your child to love God. God is the one who will do that, through your constant pursuit of Him.

Funnies from the mouth of JadenGrace

Jaden: "Lancie, will you share your cookies with me?" Lance: "You already had some cookies, Jaden" Jaden: "Lancie, it is very nice to share with me. You have more fun when your share your cookies with me"
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Jaden is loving Cinderella these days. There are lots of teaching opportunities in Cinderella, let me tell you. This is getting exciting. Jaden: "Cinderella has to wear a gown because it's very important when you marry your prince"
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Happy Birthday, precious gift!

Today JadenGrace (aka God's Grace) is 8 years old. Been here for 8 long years. Time always goes quickly when you are raising young childen but it is especially true when that child has special needs. It is constant work, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, year by year. If I am not physically working with her, I am mentally thinking of her needs and spiritually fighting the enemies that would keep her bound up in a lonely, mute, physically painful world. I am not complaining, just stating facts. I am so grateful and glad that God decided to create this precious girl. She has been used to change my life in so many ways. So many deep profound ways. So many good ways. Do I wish that God had done that changing without my world being shattered? Of course I do. Autism is so devastating--how in the world can I say it is a good thing? It causes so much pain, so much division, so many struggles, so many questions, so much blame, so little sleep. :) I really, really, really wish it was possible to get to the place I am with God, without pain involved. But...I could be wrong...I don't think I would have ever cleaved to Him, cried out to Him in a loud voice over and over and over, seeked Him with everything in me, loved Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, had it not been for the firey furnace He allowed me to go through (still going through!). Do I wish it? No. But I have come to the place that I can say 'whatever it takes, Father! Whatever it takes to set my heart ablaze for you and your ways and your Kingdom.' In that, I know that I know that He will meet every need that we have; I know that His promises are true and that He will heal my girl of every devastating disorder she currently has, and she will know Him and be known by Him. He will use her life for His great glory. None of the pain is ever wasted. Thank you, God!, for hearing my prayer for new life and creating my perfect little girl. I love you for it, and thank you that your hand is on her forever.

Thoughts and struggles

It has been too long since I have updated on my miracle girl. The reason for that is mostly that we are in a stall period in many ways and things don't look so good to my eyes. Now, God tells me not to trust what I see with my eyes but instead, to trust what I know in His Word. So, that is what I choose to do. However, this is the place where I can get out both my dreams and my fears. I will never give up on my girl but God is calling me to different places. Different ways of doing things. I am fighting it. I try to trust but the 'what-if's' come and threaten to kill me. It is sometimes a constant spiritual battle over Jaden's life, over her future, her body and her mind. In addition to her, I fight constantly for the rest of my family and situations we face. In case you don't know it, the devil is very active, always trying to steal, kill and destroy. I must know how to fight him. I totally believe that Jesus wins. He won on the cross all those years ago. He wins today. He will win at the end of the age. He wins. In the meantime, the battle is leaving so many scars. We just finished round 38 of chelation. Only 262 more weeks to go, to see if chelation is the final healing balm He will put on my girl. If He is going to use biomedical to heal her, this is it. We have tried everything else. Chelation is the final option.
The good news: Jaden loves God. Her heart is so open to him. She sings praise songs, she prays for the sick and is pure of heart. She is learning to read (!) and doing well with numbers and remembering things. She has memorized her address and is trying to tie her shoes. She is mostly cooperative, with few (any?) meltdowns. She can be taken to the store, church, meetings, and any public place without having issues. Her body is healing--foods that used to bother her don't seem to bother her anymore. She sleeps well for the most part, and wants to interact with others, though the 'how-to' of social graces isn't there yet. She looks forward to holidays and future events and one of the things I love most about her: she never sees the bad in anyone. Never judges anyone for anything. Is never haughty, looking down on others, ever.
The bad news: She is still so affected by autism. She sometimes asks the same question fifty times a day. She paces and moans, paces and moans, paces and moans. She isn't good about protecting herself from others who may want to do her harm. She has a hard time answering questions and carrying on a back-and-forth conversation. I have learned so much about unconditional love while caring for her, but loving someone without receiving love back is really difficult. To know that you are very important to keeping the child alive and well, but not really seeing any reciprocation of love, is terribly exhausting. I am sure there are lots of situations where this is true--alzheimers, for instance, or brain injuries, where people lose all rememberance of normal functioning and have to relearn everything all over again, including how to know and love their family. I now have some understanding of the pain and work involved in that.
And so, I carry on. Jaden carries on. Our family carries on. I do what God has called me to do, and I fight the enemies. I pray, 'even though I wait forever, God, please move suddenly!'. I trust Him. His peace keeps me and His joy is my strength.

God gives voices

Today, when I picked up Jaden from 'school' (therapy), she was in a different room with a friend that she normally doesn't interact with. The children are paired according to ability and age, and Henry can't speak and is a bit younger than Jaden, I think. When we were driving home, I asked Jaden if she had fun playing with Henry today. She said, "Well, he can't talk. God hasn't given him his voice back yet." I was stunned. We had talked alot about her and her inability to talk until she was 3 1/2. I always told her, when she was silent, that God would give her her voice back. And after she began to talk, I always reminded her that God did it and we thanked Him often for that! I didn't realize that she could transfer that to another child, though. I loved how she added the 'yet' to the end. She believes! She has faith that God can. And then, she said, "Can we pray for Henry, to get his voice back?" and I almost couldn't cry, drive and pray at the same time. This girl is full of God. She may struggle with the things of this earth but she knows who her God is, what He can do, and how much He loves her. Some people get to adulthood, succeed in everything earthly, receive human recognition and praise, but never get the most important thing--faith in a faithful God. Thank you, God!

Update

Wanted to update regarding my girl and the things I am noticing. We just finished round 26. Her behaviors are incredible. Not much up and down as in the past. Mostly up with an hour of grumpy here and there. Like a typical kid! She also can eat more of the foods that messed with her in the past. She has struggled with high oxalate foods but we have noticed that she can eat more and more of them and not seem to be bothered by them. She also eats some of the foods she is sensitive to--peanuts, soy and pineapple--with no noticable reaction. She can eat pizza with digestive enzymes with no reaction!
We went to the doctor for a checkup and she understood and obeyed every directive. Dr W asked her to draw a picture of a person. She drew it, (stick) and then added long hair. She said, "I am making her hair very long, like mine. This is me" And then Dr W asked her to write a "J". She wrote a J and then an A and then a D and then an E and then an N. (now you know my girl's name!). Six months ago, when the same doctor asked her to do these things, she couldn't. She is able to write her full name now. She is starting to read and loves school. She comes back to the table and wants to do MORE work. She wrote a note to her sister, who just left for school, the other day. "I love you. from Jaden" She wrote Happy Valentine's Day on paper, too, by looking at something to figure out how to spell it.
Life is so easy now. I knew I could never live with the behaviors she exhibited at two. I knew i had to do something. I never knew it would be so delightful to live with her, though.

Round 20!

We are on round 20! of chelation. Twenty times. Twenty weeks. Three days a week giving a tiny amount of chelators every 3 hours in the daytime and every 4 hours at night. Do not feel sorry for us. My girl is being healed of autism. I would do anything for her, or for any of my children. I will never stop asking God to make her well, and seeking the ways He leads me to for her healing. If it takes me until I am 90, so be it. Whatever it takes, Lord. You are King and you are good.